I already love you with every cell in my body.

Deciding to have a second baby wasn’t easy. There have been moments of motherhood where I have thought, I just cannot go through that again. So many stressful and worrying moments that have pushed me right to the limit and more of what I thought I was ever capable of dealing with. Can I really go through all of this for a second time? Turns out I think I can. Because the good times always always outweigh the bad, every single time. Every sleepless night is worth it to wake up next to a little face. Every tantrum is worth it for the cuddles and love and affection that comes after. As my tummy grows so does my heart.

So here we are tiny boy, 28 weeks in, 12 weeks to go. We are sharing this body, you and I. And so for a brief time, we are one. Sharing a body and feeling you move inside me is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things I could ever experience during my life. I love you so much already, sweet tiny thing. I keep saying this pregnancy has felt so different. But of course, why wouldn’t it? You are an entirely different baby, so of course it’s all going to be different. This is not the first time I’ve done this yet I still feel so naive. I feel foolish in my naivety and know that you are so wise and you already know so much more than I about how this is going all going to go down. 

I’m about to be ripped open again, physically, emotionally and spiritually and I know I will be changed again, just like I was the first time with your brother. It’s all going to change again. I’m going to go through a metamorphosis like no other. Sometimes I feel like I’m having an out of body experience, I am looking in on our life like a stranger. How odd that I am pregnant, that there will be two of you. Two children. 

It’s all a bit too big really, thinking ahead about how it’s all going to be. The image in my head of us as a family of four, of being a Mum to more than one person. Of loving more than one child. So I try not to look ahead. I sit with you, in my big tummy, feeling those little wriggles and kicks. 

And I wait for you my tiny boy. 

[To be continued…]

This is part of ARTIFACT MOTHERHOOD - a project shared with other female artists who are documenting our journeys as mothers and creating memories for our children through our photographs and words.

Go next to the wonderful artist Lauren Webster to read her post in our blog circle.

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