A Family Caravan Holiday | Charmouth, Dorset | Artifact Motherhood Blog Circle | October 2021

Bringing you here finally was so important to me.

But the reality of actually coming back here was heavy and intense. I had butterflies in my stomach when we drove into the campsite. It’s been 12 years since I’ve been here and it all sounds a bit dramatic doesn’t it for a caravan holiday, but you see my little ones, this place means so much to me. It holds some of the happiest memories of my life. It reminds me and connects me to my Grandmother who passed away, incidentally, 12 years ago. And it reminds me of ME. I feel wholely me when I am here.

I hadn't been able to come back before now, it felt too painful as everything here is HER. She is this place. It was her favourite place, she came here multiple times a year and sought sanctuary in the simplicity and magic of the caravan.

We owned our own caravan. Great-Grandad made it like a home from home, rigging up little side lamps in all the bedrooms and living area, putting paintings on the thin walls and displaying ornaments and fossils around. I remember feeling so safe tucked up in the corner of the sofa with my book and lots of cushions and blankets.

21 years we holidayed here.

She was an incredible Grandmother. The best there was really. She adored children and immersed herself in mine and my brother’s childhood. But I know she had struggled a bit as we became adults, saying the place was ‘filled with little ghosts’ as she mourned the children we were no longer. She had a hard time letting go of the past, even though she was passionate about living in the moment. 

I could feel her as soon as we arrived. It’s the closest I’ve felt to her since she died. And it was one of the most visceral experiences I’ve ever had. Re-walking the little roads and paths and fields I had walked with her all those years ago was heady, but strangely comforting. It transported me back to my childhood in such a real way.

And so walking around the campsite with you, my little ones, was incredible. I could see this place as a 5 year old through your 5 year old eyes. By seeing the pure joy and excitement of simply being here, without knowing any of the history or stories to go alongside it, was so wonderful. By bringing you here, it somehow allowed my memories to have some closure, and a new chapter of memories to be forged, by you both, here, beautifully, and with so much purity that only childhood can bring. You did say to me though; ‘thank you for bringing me to your special place mummy, I love it here’. And my heart burst into a thousand pieces.

Here are a few images from one of our days that was a bit sunny, a bit windy and very rainy.

#artifactmotherhood

Welcome to Artifact Motherhood. This is a collaboration of artists from around the world who have come together to share our stories of the joys and struggles of our journey. Through our writings and visual records we want to create memories that are more than photographs with dates written on the back. These are the artefacts we are leaving behind for our children and for generations to come.

Please check out the next artist in our blog circle, the wonderful and talented Diana Hagues and continue through all the artists until you get back to me.